Reasons a Victim Remains in an Abusive Relationship

  • You fear your abuser will become more violent, perhaps fatal, if you try to leave.
  • You want to protect your partner’s and your family’s images.
  • Your partner is your support system, even though he is abusive. Psychologically, he has destroyed your outside relationships.
  • You think this time will be the last time; he will change.
  • You fear being a single parent with a reduced income.
  • You fear he will stalk you and harass you at your workplace.
  • You do not realize you have the right not to be abused.
  • Your only desire for change is not to be abused.
  • You fear living alone.
  • You were raised in an abusive home, and this feels normal.
  • You think the abuse will stop if you will only . . .
  • Religious and cultural beliefs keep you in the marriage.
  • You stay for the children; any father is better than none.
  • Your confidence has deteriorated as a result of continuous put-downs, name-calling, or other forms of abusive behavior.
  • You have no place to go. Often friends and family are not helpful.
  • You have feelings of powerlessness and fear.
  • You believe that all you have in life is your family, house, children, husband, and/or marriage. They are your responsibility, and you must fix whatever goes wrong.
  • You believe divorce is not a viable option.
  • Your partner is not always abusive. After the violence, he is often contrite, asking for forgiveness, promising to change, and acting like the model father and husband . . . for a while.
  • You feel trapped and do not know about help services.
  • You believe that if you disclose the secret, no one will believe you. He is a pillar in the community and/or church.
  • You believe the law will not take you seriously and that he will not be punished.
  • You fear the complexities of the legal system. Lawyers are expensive.
  • You still love him.

Reasons a Victim Leaves an Abusive Relationship

  • You believe the next abusive incident could be fatal.
  • He is either sexually or physically abusing the children.
  • The children are acting abusive, and you realize you need to remove them from the abusive situation.
  • You are informed of available help via Internet, radio, TV, church, etc.
  • You are encouraged by other women who have left.
  • A friend, family member, counselor, or church leader gives you the support you need.
  • You are learning to truly love yourself.