“Prayer is simply talking with God where you can reveal your deepest hurts and emotions. You can tell God, honestly, what is on your heart. Unburden yourself before God and know that He hears you, cares for you and loves you beyond imagination.” – Dr. Ramona
I appreciate your prayers as I am in a marriage relationship of 23 years and just want more clarity and direction. My husband has not really physically abused me, other than pulling my hair a couple times, and using his physical size to block me or intimidate me. He did for many years have sex with me or just start using me sexually while i was sleeping. This bothered me very much as I was sexually abused as a child and it felt very much the same. My husband has been very covert about the way he emotionally or psychologically abuses me. Looking back i can see how i have been isolated from many people throughout the years since I’ve been married to him. He would take opportunity to embarrass or really humiliate me in front of people. He has had few moments of clarity where he will admit he has said mean things to me to make me feel worse about myself so he can control me. He has been to a therapist for a bit, but the cycle is still a cycle. He just wants things to be good between us, but doesn’t put forth effort to truly be emotionally connected, or even know my heart. I don’t feel known or valued in this relationship. I feel like i am just here to support him in this life he wants, which is comfortable for him. Right now it is difficult, because things seem kind of ok, however even a couple weeks ago he got very angry and stonewalled me because i had talked to him and told him i would like for him to check in with me to just see how I’m doing. He completely turned it around and said i was saying things i never said. It’s so tempting to just settle with this arrangement, though i don’t feel loved or known, or emotionally safe and never really have.